As If
by Request
Summary: Harry needs a reason not to date Hermione. Draco needs and excuse not to date Pansy. What other logical explanation is there other than to pretend to be in love with your worst enemy? DRARRY Will be full of slashy goodness, I swear. PROLOGUE AND CH 1 UP
1. Chapter 1

Warnings: Hermione and Pansy bashing, shonen ai, mature content (I know that's a little hypocritical coming from someone under 16, but what the hey...) And most of the characters are probably going to be a little OOC, but try to enjoy it nonetheless.

Disclaimer: Do I look like I own Harry Potter? If you answered yes to that question, then you are delusional, as I own nothing but the laptop I type this story on, and a year supply of blueberry muffins.

Oh and Mr. Panda (my stuffed polar bear)

Pairings: Draco x Harry.

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"I think- wait, I know that... love you." Hermione looked up shyly at the raven-haired boy in an attempt to look seductive, which Harry (who seemed convinced it was to scare him off) seemed to have taken the whole affair as a joke.

"Haha, you scared me there for a second Hermione, I thought you were being serious!"

Despite the injury to her pride, the stubborn bushy-haired brunette blushed furiously and continued firmly.

"I'm not joking Harry, I'm in love with you."

Wonder-boy, realising the predicament he was in needed to think up a lie- and he needed to think one up fast. It wasn't that he hated her guts, she was just a little too whiney for his tastes- ok a LOT too whiney. Plus he would not stand for doing every essay Snape or Binns gave them for homework.

So he needed an excuse. And the first thing that came to his mind, came so easily out of his mouth.

"I'm so sorry Hermione, but I'm gay."

----

At the other end of the castle, Draco sat lazily on the armchair in the Slytherin common room, wishing he could strangle that the incessant high-pitched squawking coming from the left- Pansy Parkinson.

"And so the guy at the store gave it to me half price because he said it looked so good on me!!" Another squeal. Draco thought to himself that the suave salesman neglected to mention that said item was already on sale, and the female Neanderthal probably didn't notice the giant 'On Sale' sign.

"Isn't that just great, Drakie?" The last word dripped from the brightly smothered lipsticked lips like a punishment, and the words seemed to resonate throughout the air.

He could not do this any longer.

"I'm going to bed." He commented emotionlessly. He watched her expression change to one of horror.

"But Drakie..." the brunette pouted pathetically, like an ugly, overgrown baby.

The last word sent shivers down the blond's spine. He HATED that nickname. Hated it with a passion.

"I wanted to ask you a question." She continued.

He turned to Blaise for comfort, support, but to his dismay the older boy just shrugged and the shrill, high-pitched voice continued.

"Will you go out with me, Drakie-Baby?"

Draco could not believe that such a horrible variation of his name existed. He sighed and looked down at the pathetic heap below him. He needed to think fast. His reputation was at stake. He needed a lie to help him, but keep his status as sensitive and caring among his fellow Slytherins, and cold and exclusive to everyone else. Exclusive. That's it!

"Sorry Pansy. I like boys."

And just like that, meltdown avoided.

---

Suggestions? Comments? Hate-mail? Press the button!

-chan14.-


	2. The Room

Hey! I'm back with an exciting new instalment! Thank you to my reviewers so far! I'll try to keep updating as regularly as I can, but I have exams in a few weeks, so I may have a little trouble being regular. But I'll do my best! Now on to the story!

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Harry Potter, Wonder of the Wizarding World. Gay. A big fat Queer. Well, anything to not go out with Hermione. All he could do was thank Merlin that it hadn't spread through the whole school. But even so, Gryffindor was making a big deal of it. Hermione happily lied and falsely admitting that she loved Harry just to get him to admit he liked boys, and that she knew it all along. Ron had been a bit awkward but supportive, and Ginny cried and squealed screaming that it wasn't fair, and that 'all the good boys were either taken or gay', and proceeded to rage around the common room, yelling at first years.

Harry Potter was, in fact, quite straight. But without his little lie, he would have two options:

**Option 1:** Tell Hermione that he just didn't like her, have her hate him, have Ron defend her, have no friends, spend the rest of his life talking to Neville.

**Option 2: **Go out with Hermione, make Ron jealous, have Ron hate him, have to live with Hermione's annoying laugh, constant bitching and moodiness, not to mention breaking up would be a nightmare, and would only result in option one anyway.

So really, he only had Option 3. And that was pretending to be attracted to men so he avoided the hell of having to deal with Hermione. Seems easy, right? Wrong.

He already had some people on his trail. Dean looked a little wary, and the Weasley twins kept asking if he really liked boys, or if it was just an act. Harry of cause denied them and replied he was definitely into boys, however they asked to see him later that night in the common room. It was a little unnerving, waiting up to be questioned by the experts on this stuff: he could swear George could read his mind, and Fred could read George's. But regardless, Harry waited as patiently as he could until the flames in the smouldering fire died down to ashes, and the last seventh-years finished the their far too complex essays and trudged wearily off to bed. Only then did the twins appear.

"You know what I think, Fred?" George said to his brother smilingly.

"When do I not know what you think, George?" Fred replied, also with a small smirk. "I think, that you think, that we know the truth."

George grinned madly at this and replied. "I think this little queerie, isn't so queer."

Harry, both shocked and glad that someone had found out about his lie. It provided someone to talk to, and share in the fun with. He was sure they'd understand- They too weren't fans of the bushy-haired bookworm.

"Ok, you've caught me," Harry said with a small sigh. "Guess I better explain it.."

After explaining the story, Fred and George nodded knowingly. "So who are you going to use?" They asked in unison. "Who's the lucky guy?"

At the brunette's shocked look, the twins turned to each other and seemed to have a silent conversation through their eyes.

"Well, Harry, If you're playing the gay, we have to find you a love interest don't we?" began George.

Aghast, the brunette told them there was no one that would possibly comply.

"We'd help you out," One of the twins began, but was cut off by the other.

"But it would be suspicious if we got involved."

After some heavy thinking and a few giggles when Fred suggested Neville, the three Gryffindor's crept to their beds.

---

Draco had already come to the conclusion that he would use Blaise as his lover. He would certainly comply. He had been with half the boys in Slytherin already. But that was the problem. He wasn't going to just go out with anyone, he needed someone important, rich. Someone everyone wanted, but no one got.

'I would be able to think much better if Goyle wasn't snoring so loudly.' He thought to himself.

After a few minutes of trying to block out the sounds, the blonde decided to leave for the Room of Requirement. He glided up the stairs, careful to avoid Filch, to the seventh floor.

'I need a place to think, I need a place to think, I need a place to think' He thought to himself, as he paced down the hallway, hoping the door would appear. His thanked his lucky stars when he caught glimpse of the magnificent door as soon as he had thought the final word. Inside was a cosy room, decorated with green, with a small fireplace in the corner. Draco sunk into the squashy armchair and thought hard.

---

Harry was unable to sleep. Thoughts of being found out plagued his mind, and then there were even worse thoughts of having to face up to Hermione! The brunette slid out of bed quietly, collected his invisibly cloak and stumbled down the corridor. He didn't really have a sense of where he was going, but he felt that he needed to be away from the Gryffindor's when they woke up. He knew someone would become suspicious at any moment.

'When that happens, I have to be ready to claim my love for some poor guy.' He thought softly to himself.

Before he had realised it, he was in the hallway where the Room of Requirement was. He considered it for a moment, and realised that there was probably no better place to hide and think.

He paced the hallway thinking 'I need somewhere to find an answer to my problem' thrice, and sure enough, the door appeared.

Harry turned the heavy golden handle, and pushed.

---

Draco's train of thought had led him to discard half of his house as being pompous gits, and he was now onto Ravenclaw. He had discarded Hufflepuff long ago, because no Slytherin in their right mind would date a Hufflepuff. Dire situation or not, he had to keep up his standards.

So as one could imagine, he wasn't very happy about being interrupted. That was, until he realised that the room wouldn't have let just anybody in. The Room could've only let in the someone who thought the exact same thing as him! This would be the perfect person to choose. He hoped desperately that it wouldn't be a Hufflepuff. The heavy golden handle twisted and immediately, the decorations changed from suiting him, to suiting whoever else was going to enter. It seemed to be a Gryffindor, as the colour changed from green to red, finally settling on a deep purple.

Draco waited nervously as to whom it might be. He hadn't considered Gryffindor's. Now that he thought of it, a Gryffindor wouldn't be too bad. He had heard that Dean was bisexual. In fact, Dean wasn't too bad looking either.

His mind had decided that the person would be Dean. He would talk this through calmly and Dean would help him.

A body emerged from behind the door.

"Potter?!"

"Malfoy?!"

---

Suggestions? Comments? Hate-mail? Press the button!

-chan14.-


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